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    discussions > The Web is a Silmarillion

    Thursday, March 8, 2012

    I’m in a bit of a quandary. Now that I’m ready to push THE FALL through an email blast and have the opportunity to train for such, it’s very confusing to try to write. I’m kinda bombarded with priorities so that it’s hard to decipher what my aim should be each time I have a chance to invest time. I keep imagining a session of eyes closed as all that’s been building up in regards to a sequel just sorta pours out, yet when I come to write, it’s a different kind of bombardment. There’re emails, Facebook, and other demands such that I’ve worked hard to build up and yet, now, it’s hard to go back to writing time being for writing. The blog and FB, Twitter, reviews, etc have been necessary, but it’s so difficult to know when enough is enough and it’s time to shove all the nickel and dime demands away in order to accomplish something lasting. I’ve had a couple mornings of inspiration lately regarding Noah and the story arc for Rapha Chronicles #2, but it’s sporadic and I feel this is due to double-mindedness. It’s just become habit to hook into the internet, check and answer emails, put a little something on FB or my website, then the web sorta takes me by the nose and seems to waste the time that should be given to creating.

    It’s so hard, so frustrating and it’s become habit. It’s exactly what I was leery of when I had to, of necessity, start promoting during my writing time—now it’s hard to get in the flow of writing without a Herculean exertion of will. I hate coming away from time after time of writing with the sense I’ve just been robbed. I feel weak, ineffective, condemned, frustrated and angry rather than the energizing writing used to provide.

    What to do about this? Crying out to God seems to be the only recourse. I feel trapped in a web of crap because writing sessions have turned into a bombardment of humanistic, depressing glimpses of what the world is today. I feel like I’m striving to get a view of the truth but I’m looking through one of Tolkien’s silmarillions that, due to their being owned by evil, are giving me a skewed perspective. Every now and then I have moments of turning the silmarillion to good use, but the vicious battle to do so leaves me exhausted and depressed.

    Is this just part of growing up, of maturing as a writer and having to get stronger in order to complete the journey for which I was called to write in the first place? Am I being indoctrinated into the world’s thinly veiled way of doing things that seems like New-age dogma? Am I fighting such a hard battle because my spiritual enemy doesn’t want me using modern technology against him? Is this process so hard precisely because it’s so imperative?

    I don’t know for sure. But I do know I need the prayers of a dedicated team. This thing has gotten really hard—and I thought writing was a long difficult process ☺. I covet your prayers, I need spiritual support and I cry out for wisdom. Not only that, but I sense pretty strongly that each of those I would ask for spiritual support are in a very similar boat.

    A bit of good news: a young gal who read, reviewed and hosted an interview on her site is in the process of changing her blog from erotic romance to young adult novels. She continues to drop me a line every couple of days and her life is shining brighter and brighter!

    Prayer is a huge focus of my days with opportunities each week to serve in the “prayer chair” behind the scenes during our church services, anointing/healing prayer once a month—or more if a situation arises, and so many friends requesting prayer as they go through tough life circumstances. I even found myself praying over our natural doc yesterday since she had had a tough week of sickness and had even been in the hospital a couple of days—a nightmare for her.

    So, things are heating up, getting tougher and yet more people are open to Christ precisely because of hard times. Guess I’m just kinda tired.

    I’m attending a ladies’ retreat with our church this weekend. I fought against going due to so many demands, but hubby encouraged—he’s probably right. I need to step out of the fray for a couple days to get some perspective.

    March 8, 2012 | Registered CommenterChana